Dangers to Effective Peer Support: Everyday Narcissism

On several occasions, my job has put me in the audience where Peer Support Specialists are presenting about their work as a peer. Often, these presentations went very well, but on three occasions I saw presentations that failed in very similar ways.

The fact that they failed is important -- they were lost opportunities to convince the audience about the value of Peer Support Specialists.  They failed in such colorful ways that they made a lasting impression on me and others in the audience.  I have heard comments from colleagues years afterwards about those presentations --- comments that indicate that they made a memorable lasting negative impact. 

In all three of these instances, the presenter started their presentation talking about their own story of recovery.  This is not surprising as this is the hallmark of the work of Peer Support Specialists, and the basis for their authority and contribution to their client’s recovery.

The presenter’s recovery stories were different from most that I have heard, and it was these differences that created the problem.

·       Each talked at length about their own recovery  - much longer than the audience needed to hear.

 ·       The content of each presentation appeared to be unrelated to the needs of the audience – and to be primarily related to the need of the speaker to talk about themselves.

 ·       Each presentation focused on the experience of the peer but did not highlight, or even mention the lessons to be communicated to the audience.

 ·       Each resulted in clear behaviors by audience members that they were losing interest.  In some cases these signs included loss of eye contact, audience members shuffling papers and doing other tasks.  In several cases, many audience members actually stood up and walked out of the presentation early. 

 Audiences are pretty good at communicating that they are losing interest.  In none of these presentations did the presenter appear to recognize the feedback from the audience.  If they saw it, they didn’t appear to care.

What was going on?

I go back to the guidelines for Peer Support Specialists.  One of the core requirements of any Peer Support Specialist is to be willing to openly share about their experience of illness and recovery in a way that supports their client’s recovery.  These presenters were sharing but it was not in the service of the audience – it was in the service of the presenter.

Narcissism is defined as a preoccupation with oneself and one's own needs.  We all have some element of narcissism, but it is the degree that moves it from healthy to unhealthy and unhelpful.

We can define healthy narcissism as a well-integrated sense of self and self-esteem that is generally beneficial, such as taking pride in one's accomplishments.

Unhealthy narcissism is an exaggerated form of healthy narcissism, characterized by a self-centered personality style marked by an excessive preoccupation with oneself, often at the expense of others.

We all desire recognition and attention from others – it is a natural need reflecting our nature as social creatures.  Unhealthy narcissism reflects that we see our need as more important than the needs of others, or that we don’t recognize and/or respect the needs of others.

 Peer Support Specialists are in a position to talk about themselves – but it must be in the service of their clients.  When it is done to gain personal attention, it undermines their work with their clients (or audiences) and results in several negative outcomes:

·       It undermines their rapport and trust with their clients.

 ·       It communicates neglect and disrespect of their clients.  Many clients have had prior experiences of being neglected or disrespected by others, and to have similar experiences with people who are supposed to be helping them can be particularly destructive.

 ·       It undermines trust in the program you are working in and the field of healthcare/social services, and peer support in general.

 ·       When done with professional colleagues, it undermines their confidence that Peer Support Specialists can be productive partners in the work of helping clients recover.

Ways to guard against our own narcissism.

Again, at a deep level we all crave the attention and validation of others.  Hopefully, we learn to manage this in a way that recognizes the needs of others and the needs of the situation.  This underlying desire for recognition is so strong that we should all be on guard to ensure it doesn’t lead us to act in a way that undermines our work.  Consider the following strategies:

1.     Keep track of your own comments about yourself, your experience, etc.  Be aware of what you are saying and how much you are saying.  As a Peer Support Specialist, your goal in talking about your life must be the benefit of your client(s).  Always ask yourself if you can justify what you are saying and how much you are saying?

 2.     Learn to be a careful “reader” of your audience.  Clients and audience members will let you know when your comments are helpful and when they are not.  When their behavior suggests that they are not benefiting from your comments about yourself, you will want to respond quickly.  Refocus on what they need and want and change your actions to ensure they are getting what they need. Remember that most conversations with clients should focus on them and should primarily involve them talking about themselves.  Most presentations should focus on the needs of the audience, and interaction with the audience (questions, comments, discussion) reflects good engagement.

 3.     Have trusting, open relationships with supervisors and work colleagues who are willing to tell you if you are talking too much about yourself.  People will often avoid confronting narcissistic people, so you want to work at asking for feedback, and even explicitly asking about whether you are talking too much about yourself. 

 4.     If you get feedback that you are talking too much about yourself, act quickly to correct it.  Don’t wait.  Talk with your supervisor, your trusted colleagues and friends, your therapist if you have one.  Managing that desire for attention is part of your own recovery, and you want to master that for yourself and for your clients.

Given your work of a Peer Support Specialist, the risk of unhealthy narcissism is a direct threat to your work.  Become an expert on healthy and unhealthy narcissism, and talk openly with other peers as part of helping the field avoid the dangers it presents to your peer work.